Yelläks /ˈyæl•eks/

Around 2 weeks ago a representative of Airtel called (I do not know, how they got my number), telling me that they have special broadband packet offers. Since I have already broadband and I am happy with it, I am always interested in offers which either gives me the same product for lesser money or a better packet for the same money. However showing interest in the first place was a big mistake. The representative forwarded my phone number to the “expert” regarding broadband packets and she called the same day in the afternoon. Obediently she read all the packets and their content to me until I stopped her.

I said: “Listen, currently I have a broadband connection that has 2Mbps, 2.5GB traffic per month for free and it costs me around Rs.500. Do you have anything in this category?”
Expert: “Yes, 2Mbps, some limited amount of traffic (I forgot) and the price is Rs.899″.
I: “Eeeehm, you tell me, why I shall pay more for almost the same thing.”
Expert: “So, you are not interested? Maybe you are interested in this packet: Starter for only Rs.399″
I: “So what is the speed? 256kpbs?”
Expert: “Correct.”
I: “???????, so why shall I change? For less than double the monthly amount I get a connection that has 8 times the speed and much more free traffic.”
Expert: “So, you are not interested?”
I: “Not at all.”
Expert: “Ok, sir. Have a nice day.”
I: “You too, bye.”

This is a summary of the whole conversation. Although I made myself clear that no Airtel packet suits me, Airtel seems to be so desperate to get customers. Within 2 weeks they keep calling and calling almost 3 times a day. Whenever I see a telephone number like 0804210XXXX or 0804110XXXX on my display, I immediately know that Airtel is calling. I started to answer a call like this:

Cell phone rings.
I: “Good afternoon, dear Airtel call center. You want to sell me broadband packets, right?”
That causes some surprises at the other end.
I: “See, you already called something like 15 times and I am still not interested. Please delete my records from your databases. Could you do me this favor?”
Expert (very sorry): “Ok, sir. Sorry, sir.”

But the learn effect equals zero. So I tried this:
“The person you are trying to speak to is, currently not available. Please leave a message after the beep.”
Then I take my high pitch sports whistle and blow into the mike. After that, I simply cut the call.

However, even that seems not to work. So I listened to a fax machine recently and I copy the sound:
I: “Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeppp Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Sssshhhhhhhhhhh, beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep”
Expert: “Hello? Hello?”
I: “Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeppppp”
Cut

Let’s see, when they learn it. If I get some time, I am going to talk to their supervisor. But as long as I have my fun, I do not see a reason for it. Let me know, if you got an idea what else to try.

[Update 23/04/2010]
Finally the calls stopped for a few days now. The trick was to deny that they talk to the right person. I mean anybody could have given a cell phone number to the promoting boy:

Airtel: “Hello sir. I am calling for Airtel, do I speak to Mr. Alex?”
I: “Alex? Who is that?”
Airtel: “Is this not the number of Mr. Alex?”
I: “Sorry, I do not know anybody by that name. My name is Achmed.”
Airtel: “So, you did not put your contact details into the register stating that you are interested in Broadband connections?”
I: “Listen, I have no clue, what you are talking about. I think, you have the wrong number.”
Airtel: “Ok, sorry for the disturbance.”

>Click<